Choice – right or happy

Relationships are full of many varied choices. There can be many sources of conflict.

Often the question becomes : Do you want to be Right or Happy?

The two can be mutually exclusive.

We can expect our partner to be selfish, unclear and objectionable and be right, or we can allow them the space to be different, clear, fun and be happy. Our expectations about our partners often become self-fulfilling prophesies. So do you want to be Right or Happy? Expect the most of your partner, be supportive and demonstrate by your actions and support the actions and behaviour you desire.

Be the joy, love, supportive behavior you want to see  in your partner.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Love choice, action and skill

Love is a feeling, an action and a skill. Love is an ability and a willingness to act.

Love is a skill you can learn and refine allowing your willingness to be expressed in an effective and dynamic way.

Love does not carry you. It is more like a torch that you carry, love lights your way if you are willing to bring it with you.

So the choice is yours, what will you do?

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Relationship impact

When there is something that makes our partner feel less close to us, we are then in a position of choosing whether to repeat that behaviour or not.

There are things that others can take negatively even though there was no malicious intent on our parts.

A frown of concentration can be mistaken for disapproval; tears over unrelated issues can be misconstrued as manipulation.

The more we are aware of our impact on others the more we can consciously act instead of stumbling through life affecting people with little awareness.
Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Most people when asked what they want will answer with a list of things they do not want.

“I don’t want a relationship like my old relationship. He/she was …, …., and trying.” does not help at all. It creates a picture (charged with emotion) of what you don’t want (you might as well say you don’t want to think of a Red ball). When asked what they do want, most will eventually settle for  the  miss world answer and say “someone nice!” – nice is a cop out.

Be specific…. “I want a partner that is fun, kind, I am comfortable with, makes me laugh and with whom I can be totally intimate.” Imagining clearly in your mind what YOU mean by those terms, remembering a time when you felt those emotions while with someone you cared about.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer.

Goal setting – memorial

What would you want to be said at your memorial/funeral?

Make a list of the attributes you’d like to have by the time you die. How close are you to being this person?

what are the steps you’d like to take to become this person? Make a goal sheet, break it down into steps and an action plan with a time frame.

eg. I want to be remembered as a loving husband. What steps do I need to take, what do I need to learn

I want to be remembered as a loving father. I need to ensure the time I spend with my son is quality time and helps grow him as person. Being a loving parent and not trying to be his friend to his personal growth detriment.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Goal setting

In a relationship what is it you really want?

Many people have wishy washy goals or negative goals. When asked what you want do you start off with “I don’t want someone like my ex who was a complete…”
Or maybe worse a wishy washy goal “I want someone ‘nice’ …”
A miss world answer does not help…

When setting goals be clear, be specific and remember the emotions you want to feel when in the relationship.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

fun -benefits

People with a well-developed sense of fun are happier and more optimistic, have higher self-esteem, and can handle differences (their own and others) better.

Telling stories or jokes can make learning more memorable. The Family that laughs together stays together.

See the video “Why are we here?” on becoming the originator of Fun

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functionsand schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Fun as a parent

Being a parent can be fun .. we learn so much, about ourselves and the world.

We get to look at the world in a different way. It should not be a task. Own the fun, create the fun, make a map of how to have fun as a parent.  Humor is what makes something fun, seeing things/and ourselves from a different perspective, helps us grasp unconventional ideas or ways of thinking. Learn to see beyond the surface of things,  enjoy and participate in the playful aspects of life, learn not take ourselves too seriously.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

Relationships

Relationships are made of many things: – Love, trust, courage, closeness, intimacy, sensuality, common interests, shared times and moments, but all can be in vain if there is no real communication.  More than just talking and saying things to each other real communication involves the expression of ideas, feelings and concepts, and sometimes more importantly, the hearing of those things communicated – listening.

Communication is only effective if your partner understands what you are trying to say. If not, no matter how much you talk, your communication is not effective and you need to try a different method.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer

consistency – building intimacy and trust

An essential part of any relationship is consistency. If you say you are going to do something, either follow through or clearly communicate that things have changed and you cannot follow through. When what we say is not supported by our actions we are not developing trust or building our relationships. It makes no difference whether it is in your business, friendships or intimate relationships; active follow through is essential to successful relationships. this builds real trust and a sense of being able to rely on your partner.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a  Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer