Fear of intimacy

letting the love in

If you develop real self esteem you will delight in someone you RESPECT getting close and seeing you.
If you have high self esteem, in other words you really like and value yourself, you want someone to get close to you and really see who you are.  You, in fact, crave having someone you love, and respect see you – up close, and personal. Love, intimacy and caring from someone you respect, who sees who you are.

If you do not like yourself, have low self esteem, you will not let someone you RESPECT get close to you and see who you are.  Your self esteem is your view of yourself. The weight you give to the bad you see in yourself vs the weight you give to the positive in you.If you do not like yourself you will either hold people at arms length … so they don’t get to close emotionally, or you will be attracted to the “bad” boy or girl.

If you allow a “bad” person, a “thug” in close, and they see you (the way you see yourself) and remark you are a “mess” it hurts but you can discount it as they are a mess too. But if you were to allow someone you RESPECT in close and they were to disapprove of you, it would be devastating.

Intimacy is a function of self esteem not gender or age. Your self esteem will determine your attraction and connection to others.  If it is low, you will be more readily attracted to those who’s opinions you do not respect.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He specialises in Presentation Skills, Communication training, Motivational speaking and Self-esteem training

Attitude colours experience

Attitude is the filter of our experience.

You could say “oh no it’s raining” or “Awesome its raining!”

Your attitude determines how you experience the same event, how you experience your relationship.

If we view life and your relationship as an adventure full of opportunities and make a decision to discover those opportunities it changes our experience. If we allow a negative attitude to survive it colours our relationship, our world and our experience.

The choice is yours… what will you choose?
Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer

Don’t …don’t, Do … Do!

Your brain does not understand the words don’t, shouldn’t, mustn’t …

Don’t think of a red ball creates the same picture in your mind as Do think of a red ball

Be clear in your communication and describe clearly what you want or desire..

I see myself with a partner with whom I can be totally myself and laugh.

(far more powerful and effective than the negative “I don’t want someone like my ex”… you might as well say I want to be with someone like my ex … problems and all )

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer

Image – who are you in a relationship?

Your image is how you see yourself and how others see you, in this case, in your relationship. It functions much as the banks of the river defining the flow of energy you put into your relationship.

To discover and work with your image start with a free flow of information.

Get a notepad, set aside half an hour and begin writing, every idea that comes into your mind relating to the heading “Me in my relationship” – don’t stop until are done. Allow it all to flood onto the page. Keeping it defined by the heading.

Take a break, go for a walk for a while then return and read the writing as if you were a third person. What is “this person” saying? Then condense the free flow to a paragraph. A summary – of the essence – of the information. It should represent what “this person” is in a relationship.

Take another break, then condense this paragraph into a sentence.Ensure the sentence is an accurate representation of the essence of the free flow of information. Take another break, go for a walk or have a cup of tea/coffee. Then return and condense the sentence into a single word.

Are you happy with this word?? Do you want this to be the boundary of who you are in your relationship?

If not, change it…

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer

Freedom (from or to…)

Learn to develop the freedom to rather than attempting to gain freedom from …

In a relationship if you are afraid of intimacy you may yearn for the freedom from. Desire to be free from constraints (real or imagined). As we develop self-esteem and appreciation for our own value we are able to enjoy intimacy and strive for the freedom to be. To be more yourself in the support and love of an intimate relationship.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer

Stuff happens…

Stuff happens in our relationships… It is up to us to add meaning and weight to these things …   Positive or negative…

That something happens, good or bad is not always the issue, it is the meaning we attach that matters. Even a calamity can be an opportunity to change, grow and become a better person.

Value those you love, enjoy what you have and create meaning that grows you in your life rather than meaning that reduces you and leaves you hopeless.

Never let a day pass where you do not tell those you love how much you love and appreciate them.

Take time each day to appreciate the love you have in your life, it will create more. If you take it for granted it will ebb away.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer

A relationship is a two way street …

It is important that you are clear and specific about what you want in a relationship, but also just as important to be clear and specific what you offer in a relationship.

A relationship is a two way street.

In order to create a dynamic and loving relationship there needs to be balance and a partnership. Own your own value and what you have to offer. Make a list, be clear and specific and honest. If you desire many wonderful qualities in a partner but offer less in return it will feed your insecurities. Become the person who will be a capable partner in a loving relationship.

Richard Riche does motivational key note addresses for corporate functions and schools. He is a Communication trainer, Motivational speakerand Self-esteem trainer